I have a severe lack of funds.

Once upon a time I worked hard and earnt a very good living. There was never the question of being able to afford something, or the worry of looking at price tags. If I liked it, I bought it. I was lucky, I know.

Oh, how things change.

At the moment, I can’t go to work to earn money. I’d love to. I was blinking good at my job and enjoyed doing it. But for now, the “computer says no”. Numerous Doctors tend to agree. So I scrape by on what I get, determined that one day I’ll be fit enough to do something I love and earn a living doing it. Until then, I spend a lot of my time finding new stuff to want. The Boys patience gets tested on an almost daily basis by my frantic whitterings about holidays, restaurants we simply have to try, face creams, the latest blazer that would look fabulous with that dress and how much I want a big house so we can get another dog/cat/cow/chicken… Bless him.

The truth of the matter is, I’m not hugely materialistic. I like nice things, of course I do, but  don’t NEED a lot of stuff to keep me happy. I’m certainly not spoilt. I’m not wasteful. Not even shallow. My problem is simply boredom.

I have too much time.

When I’m not traipsing around between appointments, I have endless pots of time. Time to read blogs. Time to look at magazines, watch television, and most dangerous of all – time to think. I make plans. I dream dreams. I window shop online (damn you ASOS and Net-a-Porter!)….And I come up with lists of things I want. Like a little brat peering though the window of a sweet shop, I have time to want it all.

Here’s just some of it!

If I had the money would I buy everything? No. Probably not. Where’s the fun in that? My pleasure is gleaned from the desire…the hope…the thought that one day I’ll be able to afford these treasures again. That I will work hard enough to be able to have what I want….if I want it.

But I know me.

When I have the money, I’ll spend it on making my house beautiful & eco friendly. On setting up a business that gives something back. On making The Boy smile. On seeing the world. On nights out with my girls. On the best organic ingredients around – and – when I feel like it – I’ll find the time to go shopping and knock a few treasures off my list.

After all…a girl’s got to treat herself!

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