Girls who like Boys, who like Girls…

Girls and Boys are very, very different right? And I’m not just talking physically.

We think contrasting thoughts. Our brains work on a slightly different wave-length. Each gender has their own strengths and weaknesses…and each has their own stereotypical trademark characteristics you’d recognise a mile off.

So. If I was to tell you stories of a close friend of mine calling to talk in the middle of the night and bursting into tears mid sentence…or another changing their entire personality to suit someone they’ve just met…or another buying their chihuahua a little jacket to stop it getting cold…you’d think I was talking about a gaggle of girls, right?

WRONG.

My masculine, extremely hetero, muscly male friends are all turning into big girls blouses.

The tables have apparently turned.

I don’t know why, but I have always had more male friends than female. Maybe it has something to do with being incredibly close to my big brother. Maybe its because I grew up in a cul-de-sac, where all the other kids who played in our street were boys. Maybe its just because I found the straight forward bluntness you get from blokes refreshing, I have no idea. All I know is that I believe strongly in plutonic relationships, and that a large proportion of friends I classify as my closest are men.

Don’t get me wrong, my girl friends are also absolutely essential and I love them billions. There are 3 in particular I could absolutely not live without. But my friendship with them is totally different…I mean, you could never sit around with the boys discussing period pains, comparing tan lines, drinking wine and singing into your hairbrush, or painting each others nails and obsessing over the latest fashion in Vogue, could you?!

But in general, I find Boys are easier to get on with. They rarely talk about you behind your back or get bitchy when in large groups. They give honest and brutal advice, tell you exactly how it is with no sugar coating, and are never afraid to pull you up on something you got wrong. They don’t judge you when you order a pint at the bar, have brilliant banter, but also know when all you need is a hug from a pair of big strong arms or a genuine compliment. You can call a boy-mate last minute when you fancy a night out and know they won’t take 3 hours to get out of the house…and they’ll happily sit round eating whole tubs of ice cream without commenting on the calories. Brilliant.

The boys in my life have always come to me for advice with girls, or jobs, and general life stuff. I guess I act as their sounding board a lot of the time; I love them dearly but can see their actions through a girls eyes (obviously!)…letting them know when they are being a little bit unreasonable to their girlfriends, or offering great present/surprise/apology tactics. I like the fact that they trust me with a lot of really personal stuff…and they like the fact that they will get an unbiased and honest opinion from someone who doesn’t think that farting the minder theme tune is amusing…

However. I’ve noticed a new trend starting recently…and its one I’m not entirely comfortable with.

Boys are starting to act like girls.

They’re not shaving their legs or anything (yet), but there is a definite shift, and it’s confusing me.

Lets take my oldest male pal for example. He’s been in my life over 20 years, and has been a constant, steadying influence on me. He is one of the manliest men I know and has always given me the absolute best advice when it comes to boys. He’s been there in the past when I was in a violent relationship – never judging me – but standing solid by my side until I was strong enough to leave on my own. He’s tracked me down and tapped me on the shoulder when I’ve gone off radar for a month or two after meeting someone new, reminding me of the importance of friends. He’s always told me that no matter what, anyone who comes into your life should add value, accept who you are and love you for it…not ask you to change. Top advice from a  tip-top man.

So…imagine my surprise when he met a new girl, who decided (before she met me) I wasn’t on her Christmas card list. While she was bad-mouthing our friendship, he was burying his head in the sand and letting her get on with it. Instead of practicing what he preaches and telling her that his friends matter, he says that as he knows we’ll be there for him when he gets tired of spending  all of his time with her he doesn’t feel it necessary to call, or text, or email us to let us know how he is. Completely out of character…and totally under the thumb! I’ve known many girls fall into this trap and damage friendships beyond repair…but this is the first guy I’ve known to give up his entire social scene, just because a girl asks him too. Weird.

Another example of this phenomenon is a male friend of mine that I dated for a couple of months a long time ago. He is now in his late thirties…and has a girlfriend 15 years younger who he’s totally in love with. I’m really pleased for him…and am more than happy to share a coffee or a beer with him at any time and try and help him iron out any creases that the age difference brings. But no. This boy has taken to calling and texting me at all hours, often at 4am, sometimes in tears, going through their problems…because apparently I’m the only person with whom he can be entirely honest…and telling me things he has said and done that quite frankly remind me of scenes from “he’s not that into you” but in reverse!!

I have no problem at all with men showing emotion. In fact I’m all for it. Please don’t hesitate to shed a little tear when your girlfriend “forces” you to watch The Notebook. Leave her notes around the house telling her you love her more than all the sky. Respond with empathy and passion when she tells you about her day. Man, even tell her you think about her when your song comes on the radio at work…she’ll appreciate it, I promise.

But much as I love the fact that men can buy moisturiser these days without pretending it’s for their mum…I think I liked it best when the only tearful phone calls I got at 3am were from the girls…and the boys downed pints and talked about football.

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JJ - Editor

Londoner. Excessive Tea Drinker. Foodie. Party Goer. Geek. Email jj@thislittleladywenttolondon.com.

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