A change is gonna come…

I love life, I really do. I have the best set of friends you could wish for…they’re kooky, intelligent, dramatic, funny, generous, honest…and they’re always there. I have The Boy, whose love and patience I’m thankful for every day. I am privileged enough to live in a gorgeous apartment by the river, with views across fields and farmyards…and I get to see the world and do fabulous things whenever I feel the urge.

All pretty fabulous huh?

If only I had a body that worked everything would be pretty freaking perfect.

I’m naturally a very positive person…after all it’s not usually that difficult…I just have to see someone laughing & I’m reminded how beautiul life really is. I count my blessings and realise just how lucky I’ve been to get so much out of life. But lately, my brokenness and nothingness have been bringing me down. I miss the warm fuzzy feelings that go along with achievement. I miss getting things done despite the odds. I miss being good at what I do. I miss living a good life.

But even on my darkest days I refuse to believe that I’m damaged beyond repair. So I’ve decided its time to try & do something about it.

“Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.” Unknown

OK, so there are some parts I might have to accept. Like the fact that its highly likely I’ll hurt for the rest of my life. That I’m not well enough to go back and do a “normal” 9-5 job. That the Doctors can’t magically fix me. And that my days of wild partying every night are well and truly over – its just too painful!

But I refuse to believe that this is the best it’s going to get.

I’m going to get myself back into the real world somehow, even if step one is completed right here in bed office. Just because that trampy car thief ruined my bones and muscles he doesn’t have the right to bugger everything else up for me too.

So, despite the numerous operations I’m always waiting for, and the Doctors delivering bad news like newspapers…despite the mountains of medication & the bloody crappy days I can hardly move…I’m going to do my best to pull myself out of this swamp and do something for me.

I’m going to look into becoming a freelance writer!

I know its highly competitive out there, and that I’ve never done anything like this before. I know I get tired easily and that some days it’s a challenge to pull myself out of the house. I know it is certanly not going to be easy.

But I also know I love writing, always have. And I know that I will feel better about myself, and life, if I have a genuine goal and reason to be motivated each day.

I know that I’m not ready to accept being on the rubbish heap….so I must change it.

It won’t be overnight. It will be a slow process, involving research, preparation, lists, spreadsheets (I heart spreadsheets!), advice, determination, strength and struggles. I might not be very good at it. Hell, I might be rubbish at it! But the important thing is I give it a go.

So whatever it takes, I’ll get myself to a place where I can say I gave it my best. If I set my mind to something, I usually get what I want….and I want this.

If any of you lovely lot have any suggestions, tips, recommendations or ideas for me, please get in touch. I don’t know where to start or how many weeks/months/years it’ll take to get there, but I’d rather have something to aim for rather than waiting to fade away.

Wish me luck!

Enjoy this post? Why not click and SUBSCRIBE to TLLWTL now?!

JJ - Editor

Londoner. Excessive Tea Drinker. Foodie. Party Goer. Geek. Email jj@thislittleladywenttolondon.com.

More Posts

Follow Me:

LoveLondon