My life on medication…

I take drugs. Lots, and lots of drugs. More drugs than I ever thought possible.

I never knew there were so many types, colours, shapes, sizes. If I were that way inclined, my medicine drawer would be a veritable candy shop.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t take drugs by choice, and neither am I dependent.  Far from it. I may have dabbled with a few naughty substances in my wild and untamed youth but never to any worrying extent, and those days were left behind long ago. These days, I make sure my Dr’s change my prescriptions every few months to avoid any long term dependence – and I’d give anything to be drug free. I’d happily never pop another pill, slap on another patch, have another injection.

Unfortunately thats not going to happen quite yet.

Since I was hit by the nasty hit and run driver 5 years ago, I have been prescribed ridiculously vast amounts of medication to treat the pain, to wake me up, to get me to sleep again. On a daily basis I take varying combinations of opiates, anti-inflammateries, analgesics, antianxiety drugs, antidepressants, muscle relaxants, benzodiazepines and then more to stop all of those killing my liver. I take so many pills I should rattle – or make some money opening my own chemist.

I was sorting out my medicine box yesterday and realised just how sad it is that over five years later, my quality of life is still governed by what tablet I take, when. There are times I can’t finish a sentence, or remember what I was doing, or can hardly wake up. On some days I still take over 20 pills, and yet something, somewhere still hurts.

I know I’m lucky. I know it could be worse and I’m eternally grateful its not. But I do have days I wish it was different, I have days when I just want it all to stop, I want to go back, I wish it wasn’t happening. But it isn’t, it doesn’t, I can’t, it is.

So these are the cards I’ve been dealt. I will play them the best way I know, hope that one day I’ll win…and enjoy the game as best I can along the way!

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JJ - Editor

Londoner. Excessive Tea Drinker. Foodie. Party Goer. Geek. Email jj@thislittleladywenttolondon.com.

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